Have you ever seen someone who just seems to breeze confidently through life? Does
it just come naturally to them? Do they just have an “easy” life? Are some people simply
born with it? No. Self-confidence is something that’s built, worked for and earned. The
good news is that self-confidence is a SKILL that we can work on and improve in
ourselves (and our kids). But how? Let’s explore 5 ways to build self-confidence.

1. Control how we speak to ourselves – Research has shown that the average person
   has 50,000-60,000 thoughts per day. Spend some time listening to your thoughts. Are
   they friendly or unkind? In general, we don’t spend a lot of time thinking highly of
   ourselves and we are fast to criticize ourselves. Therefore, our brains are trained to see
   what’s WRONG with us, so that’s what it looks for. Our brain then focuses on the
   negative thoughts – and finds them. Watch and listen to your thoughts. How do you
   speak to yourself? If YOU don’t speak kindly to yourself, how can you expect others to?
   How has it served you to speak negatively to yourself?
2. Practice, practice, practice – It took Thomas Edison 10,000 failed attempts before he
   invented the lightbulb. He’s quoted as saying, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000
   ways that won’t work.” The 1st time you try something new, you may not succeed. Think
   of a baby learning to walk. They fall…a lot. Do we condemn them to failure, “You’ll never
   walk! You’re just not a walker. You’re a failure!” Of course not! We cheer them on.
   Eventually they take one step, then two. Actually, it’s in the falling and standing back up
   that the baby builds up the strength to walk. We continue to cheer them on until they
   succeed. This is how we have to treat ourselves, too.
3. Keep promises to yourself – If you had a friend who consistently broke promises to
   you, how would you feel? You certainly wouldn’t trust them, right? Do you keep your
   promises to yourself? When you tell yourself that you will get up early to accomplish
   something, then hit the snooze button three times instead, you’ve broken your promise
   to yourself. When you say, “I’m going to eat healthier foods tomorrow” and you don’t,
   you’ve again broken your promise to yourself. How often do you break promises to
   yourself? When you keep your promises and stay accountable to yourself – it builds your
   self-worth and confidence. We keep promises to other people – why do we treat
   ourselves with less respect? Build up your confidence by keeping the promises you have
   made to yourself.
4. Manage your fear – We often let our fear in new situations or challenges hold us back
   from trying. If we get comfortable with the idea that we may fail (what’s the worst that
   can happen?), we’re more likely to try. The great news is that each time we push
   through our fear, whether we fail or not, we’re building up our confidence in ourselves to
   keep trying.
5. Practice thinking of yourself as competent and strong – How you feel about yourself
   determines your level of self-confidence. An activity that may be helpful is something I
   call “Your Fearless 15.” This exercise helps you see your strengths and successes. It
   only takes a few minutes.

“Your Fearless 15” Exercise:

• Sit down with a blank piece of paper and a pen.
• Clear your mind for a moment.
• Think of your career (or your education, if you’re still in school). Write down 5 things that you’re proud of in relation to your job (or school). Examples: I was proud of my presentation, I’m reliable and prompt, I am thorough.
• Think of your relationships (romantic, friendships, family, kids). Write down 5 things you’re proud of in any of your relationships in life. Examples: I am honest and trustworthy, I am a good listener and friends often come to me for unbiased advice, I’m proud that I make my children’s bedtime routine a priority each night.
• Think of other accomplishments in your life. Write down 5 things you are proud of about yourself and your accomplishments. Examples: finishing a project at home, graduating from high school/college, you’ve committed to practicing gratitude each night.

Focus for a moment on each of these 15 accomplishments and reflect how you felt when you achieved each one. Use these to catapult you to striving for more. Confidence isn’t something we’re born with – we earn it and build it with each accomplishment.